The fact that we specialise in family law at Higgins Miller means that we’re used to helping people to cope with some of the most stressful life events most of us will ever face. These include handling a will and probate after the death of a loved one, working through the process of becoming a Special Guardian to a child and dealing with social services. We also specialise in helping couples to get through the process of divorce with as little stress, conflict and expense as possible. We know how difficult it is for anyone to say ‘I want a divorce’ and so we’re happy to offer our advice on facing up to what can be a very daunting prospects.
We understand that many people saying I want a divorce may feel that they have failed in some way. The truth of the matter is that there is no failure involved, however. On the contrary, there is a degree of courage involved in realising that things aren’t working out in a marriage and coming out and saying ‘I want a divorce’. We deal with many divorcing couples, and so we’ve got some experience of the best ways to say ‘I want a divorce’ and how to move forward afterwards.
Telling your partner ‘I want a divorce’
Clearly, you have to pick your words very carefully when you break this news to your partner. They may be under the impression that the marriage is in a healthy state, although this is unlikely if you’ve reached the stage where you need to say ‘I want a divorce’. Even so, there is likely to be a highly emotional response to the words ‘I want a divorce’ and you need to be prepared for that. Choose the time and place carefully – when you’re alone and you have plenty of time to discuss the ramifications of saying ‘I want a divorce’. Try to focus on what you want out of a divorce – a fresh start etc. – and not on blaming the other person for the things they did ‘wrong’. A useful tip is to try to use the word ‘I’ more than the word ‘you’ when discussing the state of the marriage.
Be prepared
When you say ‘I want a divorce’ it may seem obvious to you that this is the right thing to do. Your partner, however, may be in a complete state of shock about the statement, and that could lead to them lashing out with accusations of you being a bad spouse or bad parent. Try not to get sucked into arguing back, if possible, as this initial response is more likely to express shock and emotional upset rather than a genuine summary of what your partner feels.
Stand your ground
It’s highly likely that your partner will try to change your mind when you tell them ‘I want a divorce’. You will have to use every ounce of willpower to stand your ground, stay calm and appear confident in what you’re saying. The chances are that you find the prospect of divorce fairly daunting, and it may be tempting to take up their offer of changing, or working together to save the marriage. You have to remember how you got to the point at which you had to say ‘I want a divorce’, keep your voice steady and your nerves under control, and explain calmly that you feel the marriage as a whole has broken down.
Children
If you have children, reassure your partner that saying ‘I want a divorce’ is no reflection on your love for the children or your determination to be a good parent. On the contrary, you could explain that a fresh start for both of you will be better for the children in the longer run, and that you’ll work closely with your partner to ensure that the children’s lives are disrupted as little as possible.
Preparation
Telling your partner that ‘I want a divorce ‘completely out of the blue is likely to make the situation even more stressful, so you should try your best to prepare the ground in the days and weeks leading up to your announcement. Try to talk about the things that are wrong in the marriage and raise the idea of divorce as a possible solution, so that when you announce ‘I want a divorce’ it shouldn’t come as a total shock. If you feel your spouse might react to the announcement in an angry manner, then think about having the conversation in a public place such as a café. The presence of other people may help to persuade your partner to keep their temper in check.
After telling your partner ‘I want a divorce’
As soon as you tell your partner ‘I want a divorce’, or preferably even before, you should talk to family law experts like those at Higgins Miller. We will explain how the divorce process works, and that it is now possible to apply for a ‘no faults’ divorce. This means that, unlike in the past, you don’t have to prove that your partner has committed adultery or behaved unreasonably in order to get divorced. Instead, you simply need to state that the marriage has broken down irretrievably and, even if your partner doesn’t want to get divorced, the process can go ahead. We’ll help you to fill in the relevant forms and, more importantly, will work with you to reach an amicable agreement with your partner ion issues such as finances and the future welfare of any children. We know from experience how stressful it is if a couple have to go to court to agree a financial settlement, and always advise the use of things like mediation to reach a fair and reasonable agreement. Saying ‘I want a divorce’ may feel like a hugely daunting prospect, but working with the family law experts at Higgins Miller will help to make the process as stress-free as possible.
If you’d like to find out more about telling your partner ‘I want a divorce’ please call us on 0161 429 7251 or email us at [email protected]. We’ve recently passed our Cyber Essential accreditation, something which demonstrates our forward-thinking attitude and determination to remain ahead of the competition. The first 20-minute appraisal is provided free of charge, and we’ll give you the first appointment for a fixed fee, so you don’t have to worry about how much our advice is going to cost. If you want to explore our wider charging system then please take a look here.
